The Joke Thread (Try and keep it relatively clean, please)

[Top-notch comix]

Why dont blind people sky dive? it scares the crap out of their dogs.

ah that's funny!

[Punstarr]

I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say "bought," but actually I swiped it off some wimpy skinny kid.

[Punstarr]

Today's Self-improvement Lesson: In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity. In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

[~♥XxGeekyGabixX♥~]

Today's Self-improvement Lesson: In promulgating your esoteric cogitation or articulating your superficial sentimentalities and amicable philosophical or psychological observations, beware of platitudinous ponderosity. Let your conversational communications possess a compacted conciseness, a clarified comprehensibility, a coalescent cogency, and a concatenated consistency. Eschew obfuscation and all conglomeration of flatulent garrulity, jejune babblement, and asinine affectations. Let your extemporaneous descanting and unpremeditated expatiation have intelligibility and voracious vivacity without rodomontade or thrasonical bombast. Sedulously avoid all polysyllabic profundity, pompous prolificacy, and vain vapid verbosity. In short: "Be brief and don't use big words."

hilarious!

[Darththomas]

Hahahahaha, I gotta admit though I kinda saw the punchline coming, my mum's a teacher and my stepdad was a university lecturer of English so they tended to use a heck of a lot big words, I'd say I actually know what about 85% of those words mean

[Punstarr]

I enjoyed that one as well, thanks.

Here's a new one that made me chuckle.

Paddy was passing by Mick's hay shed when he noticed Mick dancing a slow, sensual striptease before an old Massey-Ferguson tractor. Buttocks clenched, he did a slow pirouette, gently sliding along the right wheel well and then the left, hunching his shoulders, letting his suspenders slip from his shoulders. He then ripped open his plaid shirt and tossed it onto a pile of hay. "Jeezus, Mick!" yelled Paddy. "What're ya doin'?' "Oh, hey, Paddy. Ye frightened the livin' bejasus out of me," said the obviously embarrassed Mick. "Ya see, me and the missus been having a little trouble lately in the ol' bedroom department and the doctor suggested I do something sexy to a tractor!"

[Top-notch comix]

I enjoyed that one as well, thanks.

Here's a new one that made me chuckle.

Paddy was passing by Mick's hay shed when he noticed Mick dancing a slow, sensual striptease before an old Massey-Ferguson tractor. Buttocks clenched, he did a slow pirouette, gently sliding along the right wheel well and then the left, hunching his shoulders, letting his suspenders slip from his shoulders. He then ripped open his plaid shirt and tossed it onto a pile of hay. "Jeezus, Mick!" yelled Paddy. "What're ya doin'?' "Oh, hey, Paddy. Ye frightened the livin' bejasus out of me," said the obviously embarrassed Mick. "Ya see, me and the missus been having a little trouble lately in the ol' bedroom department and the doctor suggested I do something sexy to a tractor!"

definitely chuckle-worthy heh heh...

[RexLewis85]

Oldie but goodie: A blonde and a brunette decide to jump off a building....which one do you think will hit the ground first?



ANSWER: The brunette because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions. *rimshot*

[Darththomas]

Paddy and Mick go to work on a building site, Mick is given the duty of building the duty of building and fitting the kitchen whereas Paddy is sent to fix the bathroom, they decide to meet up for lunch but as Mick goes to find Paddy he spots him with his arm down the portaloo. What are you doing he asks, I've dropped my jacket into the sceptic tank replies Paddy. You're not going to wear it again are you cries Mick dismayed. Of course not replies Paddy but my sandwiches are in the pocket

[Top-notch comix]

I like it, DT!

[Aesthetikz]

What was the Plumber fixing when he got bit by a Zombie?
DRAAAIIIIINSSSSSSSS.

[Punstarr]

HEARTWARMING STORY

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University ..

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.

He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same freaking elephant.

[Punstarr]

I finally found a pickup line that works every time: "Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

[The Real Question]

I finally found a pickup line that works every time: "Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

dang it and i allways fall for it.

[~♥XxGeekyGabixX♥~]

I finally found a pickup line that works every time: "Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

another great one!!!!!