When Road Pig was born, the doctor held him up and said, "This is the ugliest-looking baby I've ever seen!" He was expelled from kindergarten for milk-money extortion and dishonorably discharged from the Cub Scouts. After being kicked out of a low-life, outlaw gang for smelling worse than was acceptable even by their standards, he joined the Dreadnoks as a probationary member. They're having a hard time making up their minds about this one . . .

"Ugly? They banned him from football games because he stopped the clock! His mother had to tie a pork chop around his neck so the dog would play with him! He went to visit the Empire State Building and got strafed! I'll tell you, beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone!"

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