Reviews by Henchmen4Hire

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Reviews by Henchmen4Hire

Pink Ranger
Power Rangers Legacy Collection (Bandai) - Mighty Morphin
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
It's been so long since I've been interested in a Bandai figure, I think the last time I considered buying one was when the recent Thundercats cartoon got figures, and even then I had to pass on them because the articulation and giant screw holes in the backsides looked terrible. But now, enter the Pink Power Ranger, who has no unsightly screw holes in her rear. I tried so hard not to be lewd this year, but there goes that resolution. ======================== In a time when disgusting aliens fall to Earth and destroy all the best pizza places, the only thing to do is put on a cool helmet, slip on a mini-skirt, and spinkick them back into space! While my memory may be hazy, I'm pretty sure that was the premise behind the Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers show. It made perfect sense to me...[See More]

Harley Quinn
DC Icons (DC Collectibles) - Basic Series
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Prototypes and artists' proofs look great in promo images, but the figures usually fall short after mass-production. Harley delivers a double wallop of satisfaction by having functional articulation while maintaining a shapely silhouette. ================ SCULPT There aren't any aggressive muscle striations threatening to shred Harley's suit like a hyperactive hyena, the figure is shapely with wrinkles in key places to indicate a skin-tight suit. There are seams where the black and red sections meet, because Harley may be a freak, but she's not into the kinky latex body paint stuff. Also, body paint wouldn't contain those big ol' sweater puppies 'cuz they're almost as big as her head. They aren't distracting, but...well...they distract me lol, especially on a 5.75-inch figure. I like...[See More]

Batman (Zero Year)
DC Comics Multiverse (Mattel) - Justice Buster
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Been a few years since I've gotten a Batman figure, or any recent DC figure at all for that matter, so I thought this would be a good figure to gauge how DC's ho-hum 6-inch figs have degenerated or improved since (or, as some may say, how much more or less cynical my reviews have gotten lel). This Zero Year suit isn't bad-looking, I'm just not into it. The only reason I got this figure is because it came as a package deal with something else, but it's grown on me, like a tasty fungus. Yanking the figure out of the package, I'm impressed by its heft and size, it almost feels as solid as a DC Direct offering. The figure is about 6.75 inches tall (more if you count the ear-spikes), so it's probably as big or bigger than the Capullo Designer Series counterpart, which is not 6-inch scale. As...[See More]

Kanan Jarrus (Rebels)
Star Wars - Black Series - Red (Hasbro) - 6" Scale
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
The Star Wars: Rebels show does an admirable job of giving the character models subtle textures without actually physically giving them a texture. Of course, this "painted detail" wasn't going to fly in Hasbro's Black Series, so the cartoony designs got a dimensional detail upgrade for their plastic incarnations. (Plastinations? Do I sound like a stuffy, over-educated droid yet?) Even after some creative license on the sculptor's part, Kanan's figure ended up about 95% accurate to the on-screen character. The figure even stands about 6 1/4-inches tall which matches up with Kanan's 6' 3'' height. Surprisingly, the inaccuracies aren't aggravating, and I think they're sensible changes for this more realistic appearance. The most noticeable discrepancy is the shades of greens used for the,...[See More]

Logan (with Axe)
X-Men Origins: Wolverine (Hasbro) - Movie Series
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Hey bubs, Logan here- err, I mean, DrKnitmore here...I think that's how he spells it- I mean, how I spell it...my name, that is... Anyway, I'm here to give you an honest, unbiased review of this fine hunk of plastic. Y'know how sometimes you're being chased by a nefarious government agency so you gotta hide by becoming a logger and marrying the hottest chick you can find? It's a story as old as time, an' when it happens to you, you gotta dress the part too, like my little mini-me here- uh, like this little guy here who is not me, Wolverine! The best there is at what he does! The best there ever was! The best there ever will be! Huh? Oh, Captain Coder says to get back to the review. Alright bub, don't get yer coo-coo-katchoo in a bunch, I'm gettin' to it! Like I was sayin', you gotta...[See More]

Havok
Marvel Legends - Infinite Series (Hasbro) - Juggernaut Series
Rated 2.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Havok is among the plainest Marvel Legends figures available. There's no reason to plunk down 25 bucks for it unless you're hardcore into boring, lazy character designs or it has sentimental value because you were reading his comic book when you lost your virginity. And even then I'd advise you buy emergency contraceptives instead of this figure, because kids are horrible little goblins that will drain your life force. (And kids, if you're reading this, go apologize to your parents for that.) If the above doesn't apply to you and bought Havok anyway, then you're most likely after the Juggernaut BAF piece or a customizer wanting a plain base body, so know that it uses the standard medium build body (like Batroc, Blizzard, etc.) with sculpted narrow silver wrist-cuffs. The silver detail on...[See More]

Henchmen4Hire -

Sunday, September 25, 2016

It's weird that you'd pipe up because of such a crappy figure, but okay, I'll bite

Bad figures get bad reviews, that's how it works. Around here we don't get free toys that subconsciously inspire good reviews, so you get honesty, and sometimes humor.

Besides that, most of the reviews I've posted here are what, like a decade old? And they're of even older figures. A lot of those reviews were upbeat despite being about mediocre figures, ML figures in particular weren't all the same body with a different head so I liked them more. I'd say it's also because the prices weren't outrageous like today. If MLs today cost like 10 bucks, cool, I'd consistently hand out 3 to 4 star ratings because that's about all they're worth. And if you follow online sale trends, many modern loose MLs don't even sell for $5, the BAF pieces alone can go for twice that lol

Also, you clearly never read the hundreds of reviews I posted on the Articulated Discussion site, where we did get free review samples. Even though most of the reviewed figures were of bland spandex characters, I made the effort to include fun photo comics and find silver linings to those plastic sh*t sandwiches. Here I'm not bound by the need to not tick off sponsors since we're all free to share opinions with almost no repercussions.

So, deal with it.

Or don't, good luck with that.

Extensive Enterprises -

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Edited due to abuse report

Knock it off, thanks

Henchmen4Hire -

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Edited due to abuse report

Knock it off, thanks

Scarlet Spider
Marvel Legends - Infinite Series (Hasbro) - Rhino Series
Rated 3.50 stars by Henchmen4Hire
As a kid, I had an irrational affinity for Scarlet Spider's design. I mean, the suit looks like lazy cosplay, like the guy snatched a red zentai suit, strapped on some pouches, and threw on a sweater. It looks like some abomination I would have created for Halloween because all they had left at the Thrifty store were Noid and Izzy costumes. Huh, I guess I could relate to the character with this terrible origin story I made up for him. Who needs psychotherapy when you have little plastic men! This spidey is between 6.15 and 6.25 inches tall, depending on how loose the metal bit is on your tape measure. It looks fine in action poses, but the thin build of the figure makes it appear very tall when standing up straight. Clearly, the suit design is very simple. The body is completely plain,...[See More]

Spider-Man (Movie)
Marvel Legends - Infinite Series (Hasbro) - Green Goblin Series
Rated 4.50 stars by Henchmen4Hire
While on the continuous mission to sort out all these old toys I need to sell, I realized I never had a Spiderman fig I really liked. All the ones I've had were generic bodies with webbing tampo'd on like a cheap tattoo. The old McFarlane Spidey was alright, but too lanky for my liking. Anyway, while looking up prices I stumbled across this recent Spiderman fig, with the design based on the recent ASM2 movie. In terms of what I like to see in spandex super hero costumes, this design hits a lot of the right notes. The most impressive detail is the stretched-out honeycomb texture on the dark blue parts, it does so much to backflip over the pitfall many other figures in this genre fall into, of looking like painted meat. The weblines ensnaring the red sections are carved "innies" instead...[See More]

Ms. Marvel / Captain America / Radioactive Man
Marvel Legends - Infinite Series (Hasbro) - Exclusives
Rated 2.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Lets lay it all out: Marvel Legends figures are bland uninspired hunks of plastic that are only good as bases for making characters you actually want. I havent been excited for a ML figure since the days when they were all detailed original sculpts. Nowadays theyre the exact same bodies with paint thrown at them with a spoon. Seriously, the quality control is awful, don't give Hasbro your money. They arent fun to review either, but I know it's helpful for customizers to know what kind of parts theyre built with, so here we go. Ms Marvel uses all the "buff chick" parts, beefy thighs, muscular arms with an extra swivel at the upperarm, hips with a good range, and big breasts. She isnt suitable for most female characters, unless you want the beefy proportions of course. The sash is a...[See More]

Hawkeye2632 -

Monday, September 28, 2015

dude nice rant

Chimeras Customs -

Monday, April 4, 2016

Tell us how you really feel! Don't hold back this time!

Henchmen4Hire -

Monday, August 1, 2016

lol thanks

Earth-Prime Superboy
Infinite Crisis (DC Direct) - Series 1
Rated 4.00 stars by Henchmen4Hire
Super-Prime stands about 6.2 inches and I think is one of those figures worth the price-tag simply because of his major roles in current comics. This figure feels like a solid hunk of plastic, very sturdy, all that sculpted armor is very smooth and slick but it limits articulation severely in the elbows. You can't bend the arms much and you can't lift them higher than almost-straight-out-in-front because of the shoulder-armor. At least the metallic-blue armor contrasts pretty well with the flatter blue of the main suit. The muscle-sculpt is lithe but stout, the paint id great for the most part with very little bleeding at the base of the the yellow hoses. The flexible cape is tattered and speckled black to simulate...black speckling, lol. The hoses are all flexible. Articulation is found...[See More]

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