Top Ten Lists
Top Ten Lists
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Off TopicSince I now have more old Wizard issues than I know what to do with, I've decided to share some of the funny stuff printed in the pages over the years in the form of the Top Ten Lists Wizard put at the back of it's issues. I'll try to post a new one every so often until I run out. Hope you enjoy, and feel free to post your own Top Ten Lists in the meantime.
First one...
Top 10 things Robin took with him when he left the Batcave
(Wizard #34, June 1994)
10 Aunt Harriet's ashes
9 Bruce Wayne's near-mint copy of Detective #27
8 Jason Todd's old Playboys
7 The kryptonite ring (just in case Superman gets steamed when Robin makes time with Lois)
6 The handbrake to Bruce Wayne's wheelchair (that'll teach him to leave Azrael in charge)
5 Alfred's medication
4 Bruce Wayne and Selena Kyle's private home video (featuring "The Bat, the Cat, and Hey, What's That?"
3 His Clearasil pads
2 The big penny
1 Bruce Wayne's bank card (P-A-R-T-Y)
Please wait...
Posted by
Punstarr on Wednesday, October 3, 2007
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10 Tim Drake bursts into tears after catching a volleyball in the face.
9 Ant-Man slain by enraged Fin Fang Foom after ants spoil his chicken salad. Turns out they were just regular ants.
8 Cap's team wins like EVERY game of Frisbee football.
7 Northstar works on his all over tan, makes people feel really weird and uncomfortable until Stingray makes him put some pants on.
6 Brother Voodoo misunderstands the party tradition and turns the pinata into a voodoo doll. Iowa resident Dave Kindle dies of numerous bludgeon wounds to the body and head.
5 Manga characters assault the beachhead.
4 Spawn shows up to have some fun and get his mind off his troubles but ends up getting beaten by police and thrown out because nobody likes bums in their parks.
3 Iron Man gets rip roaring drunk on Rolling Rock, kills Puck.
2 Hulk eats waaaay too many deviled eggs, feels bloated, has to lay down for awhile.
1 Jim Shooter appears like a grim harbinger of doom and eats all the potato salad.
10 "Here's Hopin'"
9 "Image East"
8 "The Age of Apocalypse"
7 "The Guff is Empty"
6 "I don't give a S*#@ if I'm drunk! I think it's a good idea and I vote we do it!"
5 "Hell Froze Over"
4 "1,000,000 Monkeys at 1,000,000 Typewriters"
3 "The White Album"
2 "Truth or Dare"
1 "Last Chance Before We Bolt"
10 Hal Jordan restricted from reconstructing all space and time, or he'll face a $100 fine.
9 Batman required to smile.
8 Death penalty for any use of a sideways comic-panel spread.
7 Jim Shooter allowed to launch no more than one new company per year.
6 Two-year moratorium on launching any new X-Books.
5 All new artists must learn how to draw first before being called artists (subsequent loss of 87% of all working comic "artists"
4 Anyone dead stays dead, dammit!
3 Bad Girls must change a light bulb at least once per day.
2 Public executions for crappy creators who screw with good characters.
1 No showing Batman's hiney in the movies.
10 Jerkweed Latverian judge in iron mask seems to give 0.0 scores to everyone.
9 The Scarlet Skier and the Black racer fail to capture any medals in the men's downhill slalom, go berserk and condemn mankind to extinction (HUGE ratings that night).
8 Brother Voodoo's Jamaican bobsled team loses, but wins the hearts of people everywhere and becomes the subject of a Disney flick called "Voodoo Runnings", starring the zombified corpse of John Candy.
7 Mr. Freeze banned by Olympic committee for testing positive for both steroids and Prestone.
6 Brother Power the Geek, unable to find a luge partner, kills and eats half the Olympic audience in his rage.
5 Snapper Carr competes in the slalom and doesn't really do that well, but considers it a good experience nonetheless.
4 Picabo Street sends G.W. Bridge home in tears when she tells him, "Your name is like, dumb".
3 Batroc the Leaper wins France a gold medal in hockey, but is later disqualified for wearing a Jerry Lewis T-shirt to the medal ceremony.
2 Batman hits the ice and -Voila!!- skates pop out of his boots!
1 Tanya Harding tries to kneecap Nancy Kerrigan again, but Kerrigan's new bodyguard-Frank Castle-pops a cap in her white trash @#$%&!
Frank is hardcore baby!!!!
Yeah this was originally a Top 10 list, but I don't have the Wizard in question so I'm doing this one from memory. I recall the 5 funniest ones.
5 "How did he get his whites so white?"
4 "Wooo wee! What stinks?"
3 "He was probably the 22nd greatest West Coast Avenger."
2 "Hey! Does this mean Marlene's single?"
1 "Oh my god! Space Ghost's dead! Space Ghost's de-- Moon Knight? Who the hell is Moon Knight?"
10 The Watcher would show up, note that he is forbidden to interfere, and then do stuff anyway.
9 Televised hearings would begin: "Stan Lee presents..."
8 "O.J. smash puny humans! Why puny humans not leave O.J. alone?"
7 Ron Goldman's kung fu brother screams "You killed my brother! Now I must slake my thirst on the sweetest nectar of all--REVENGE!"
6 O.J. would have a cape.
5 Legion of Doom busts O.J. out seconds before verdict revealed.
4 Lots of dramatic, upward looking Gil Kane shots of Judge Ito.
3 The bloody -power- glove.
2 The Punisher would have already killed O.J.
1 Suddenly, the entire courtroom appears in a Shi'ar warship!
10 "Hitler was a Democrat" worked into Marvel continuity (Just like the Red Skull)
9 Cleavage tax. (Chaos! comics goes bust)
8 Apply pressure to Daily Planet, get Clark Kent's liberal @#$%& fired.
7 Kingpin pardoned, given criminal empire back.
6 Conventioneers must shower provision.
5 Arms contract with Latveria raises a few retailers' eyebrows.
4 Off that Frank Miller guy.
3 Screw that whole Sentinels gig, just cancel all the X-books. That'll fix them dirty muties.
2 Roxxon Oil given special tax breaks.
1 Wizard now only has to have 11 Image covers a year.